


Peppermint Leaves

by anxiouslyfred



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Pining, References to Conversion Therapy, a model heart gets stabbed, sort of hanahaki disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:02:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28404423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiouslyfred/pseuds/anxiouslyfred
Summary: When any strong emotion has leaves or petals forming in your mouth it's easy to forget that doesn't say anything about what is felt. Remus has always been open about the plants he gets but impulsively declares his love the first time he sees those leaves.When the moment is interrupted without him getting any response Remus decides the best option is avoiding Logan and Janus for a while.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38
Collections: Sanders Sides 2020 Gift Exchange





	1. Remus Heads Out

Logan had known Roman and Remus for almost 10 years, since they were teenagers, so it really shouldn't have surprised him when Remus spat leaves onto the apartment floor halfway through his explanation of something new he'd learnt. In fact, Logan would have just carried on talking, ignoring the habit he'd witnessed a million times if Remus didn't fall into a crouch to stare at them instantly.

He sighed as they were held up for him to see. “Please can you just cough them into a tissue like everyone else? There's no need to derail a conversation because your emotions are manifesting again.” Usually Logan would avoid making such remarks about someone else’s home and emotions but few of his other friends would let him explain his current experiments and he’d rather been enjoying the chance.

“But these are New Leaves—Love Leaves, Logan! Why should I hide something you need to see?” Remus protested, still holding them gently but now frowning as he inspected them, likely trying to identify the plant they were from.

“To you love is shown by peppermint leaves? Those were caused by me, or were you thinking of someone else?” Logan asks, tone sharp from how stunned he is by the implications of the words he'd heard.

There's no chance for a reply as Janus stalks into the room, scowling at the sight of Remus on the floor. “So you do know how to clear up your petals? Honestly I could've sworn I was your housekeeper from how often it's _your_ emotions littering our home. No matter how excited you get by these strong emotions, you have to stop spitting them everywhere, Remus!” He went straight into a lecture and Logan had to admit a glance around the room did show plenty of other types of leaves scattered over the surfaces, while he'd never seen a single sign that Janus had even had an emotion manifest as petals or leaves before.

Remus had frozen at the interruption, before pasting on a grin and jumping up.“I think I left my emotion book at Roman's, so I had better be heading over there now. Last week he was threatening to burn it if I forced it into the faces of one of his friends again, and I do not want to go through some of those emotions again, not even to keep my records evidenced!” He cackled, bouncing out of the door instead of responding to anything that had been said to him.

The door slamming behind him finally broke Logan out of the stunned freeze he'd been in, blinking his gaze from the floor to where Janus was now pinching the bridge of his nose. “Do you think he's going to be gone long? Because he'd said something about those leaves I'd rather like to discuss with him,” he asked once Janus met his eyes.

/\/\

Making his escape was all Remus could think to do in that moment. 

Logan had seemed mostly frozen, and that lack of comprehension felt like a rejection the one time he was upfront about his emotions. It was a far more vulnerable version of his usual upfront statements of his thoughts, and it hurt now that he was out of the room. If Janus hadn't come in, he probably would’ve gone around the flat to see if he'd missed any peppermint leaves before, since it definitely wasn't the first time he'd felt love of that strength. It was just the first time he'd registered the leaves were different than the dandelion leaves of lust.

Instead he bounced off, heading to Roman's apartment to crow about learning a new one of his plants and changing his toothpaste on the way. Mint’s iciness could no longer be as interesting as the cinnamon toothpaste he'd heard about, not now love was connected to it.

“Royal Arse! I got new leaves!” he screamed, barging into his brother's flat as soon as the door was open, beaming at Patton's attempt to dodge out of the way.

He wasn't expecting Patton to instantly rush for a blanket and herd him onto the sofa. “Oh Remus, you poor dear! I'm so sorry for whatever has upset you that much! Is there anything I can do to help?” Apparently his brother's flatmate was the only one unaware of how much bullshit made up the stereotypes around emotional plants. Remus didn't really care to disillusion him after the offer of comfort though because yeah, he needed that right now.

Roman blinked when he finally made it out of his room, the music still audible, displaying the fact that he'd been rehearsing something. “Okay, I did hear Remus then, but how on Earth did you activate Patton's Pamper Session of Caring Chaos?”

“The poor thing got more leaves. Let's not ask in case it'll upset him too much.” It wasn't often Remus let someone else speak up before him, but at that moment he was trying not to choke on petals that had decided to form just as he took a drink. Spitting it all out onto his jeans revealed tulip petals, another new one, and this time a painful emotional response for Remus. Same as ever given that, opposing society's views, his good emotions were primarily leaves and negative ones petals.

Neither of the pair had noticed, Roman frowning as he replied to Patton, “That's not how Remus' emotions work.” As he turned, though, he realized why Remus was so willing to go along with it, sympathy growing in his eyes. “Although I don't believe you've mentioned having tulips before either.”

“What can I say, today is a day for the new: Peppermint and tulips. Cinnamon toothpaste is my new favourite thing, and I ain't going through the shit our parents pulled again, so pass that lecture Logan gave them over to Patton if you're planning to say anything to him!” Remus groused, waving his mug at Roman with one hand while the other failed to throw the petals towards the bin. If the hot liquid spilt all over him and the sofa, then _all the better_ was all he would say.

Roman's eyebrow raised in something between concern and surprise at the exclamation, making a decision as he glanced between the pair. “Sounds like you need a movie marathon if not a chance to scream out whatever has happened. Love included or not?” He offered, deciding to drop the idea of explaining how differently Remus’s emotions manifested from the stereotypes to Patton for another day. 

“No way, give me gore, backstabbing, betrayal, and all the juicy stuff.” Remus acting offended at the suggestion of love was all the confirmation needed that it had something to do with his appearance. Roman doubted his brother would actually talk about it at all without some struggle, let alone right away.

Nothing was said about that though as he turned to Patton instead. “You don't like the films Remus finds comforting, Padre. Why don't you go and enjoy that book you mentioned earlier while I take over pampering the Duke?” He suggested with a smile, already moving to the DVD stand as his room-mate disappeared with a genial agreement.

The curious glance Remus shot him made it clear he hadn't quite registered how unlike himself he'd been acting to get this reaction. Roman wasn't going to confirm anything though, not after the fears Remus still hid about someone trying to force him into Petal Therapy Calling it out would only compound on whatever caused Remus to get new petals. He had hoped the friendship Remus had with Logan after their parents attempted that would stop any of the concerns carrying through their lives.

Remus watched Roman cleaning up the petals, muttering into his mug about how open emotions created the densest people, only to be cut off when Roman spoke up again, “So I'm presuming the tulip petals and mint leaves are connected? What plagues the joys of peppermint?”

“Ice tears into a fleshy heart, leaving only blood to flourish where a nice chill could've soothed the flames. Should I weep for pain or choke on the cries for comfort others so willingly claim as positive?” Remus never used the poetic language their parents had favoured, but when upset this much and with his brother it was a habit he couldn't hold back. Poetry had always made heartbreak worse to his mind but it gave brilliant frameworks for metaphors.

It got him a glance and a pause in the rearranging for a moment. “You sure you wouldn't prefer a show with eye candy and fight scenes instead? I'm sure we could find some properly cringey things with attractive guys to stare at.”

“Noooo! I want something with more blood and guts and gore than Joseph's coat after his brothers got at it!” As he whined, Remus caught the glance and smirk on Roman's face.

“That sounds more like Remus at least. I'll put Alien on then.”

Neither of them mentioned the leaves and petals again, despite Remus still coughing up tulips and after a while roses too. There wasn't a need to talk about the evidence of heartbreak and sorrow while trying to distract from it.

/\/\

One of the first things anyone Remus decided to befriend learnt about him was that he had a guide to his emotions and wanted to share it. He'd kept a few of all the leaves and petals that formed in his mouth, dried them and stuck them in with his description of what the main emotion of the time had been. Of course there had been thousands of authors, scientists, and philosophers over the years who had compiled similar books, meant to guide people over the 'normal' emotions plants depicted, but Remus claimed his is much better and more accurate because it's specific to only him.

Janus had to smile when he saw it out in their apartment again. He hadn't read it, exactly like most of their other friends, discomforted by how personal the book must be despite Remus bringing it out within the first week of meeting someone.

“We haven’t seen that book out in a while. Who are you trying to make read it this time?” He had to ask, hoping it was a good conversation starter as it always had been before.

At the moment, it was almost tempting to ask if he could read it. Where Remus would usually be unavoidable—ever trying to make Janus join his adventures and experiments, claiming he had to sometimes since they were flatmates—he'd disappeared over the last week, while Logan had actually been visiting more. There was definitely something up, and hopefully Logan would stay in the kitchen long enough for Janus to ask about it.

“I'm updating it actually. Got so many new leaves to add to it now! Almost enough to make my next sculpture. Would Glasses Lecture have an accurate diagram of a heart?” Remus answered, bouncing a little and half turning to look for his phone before stopping. “Wait! Googly googly eyes! the internet has that shit! Don't ask, I've sorted it!” Remus’s exclamation had already launched into a muttered ramble of his idea. 

Janus had expected something of a sculpture to happen when he had complained about the leaves being left around, but the muttering was new. Normally the ideas needed to be yelled about so everyone could act disgusted by them.

It all felt like a distraction Remus choreographed just for him almost. “Speaking of hearts, Logan said you'd mentioned something about love before your little disappearing act. That wouldn't have anything to do with why I've had the apartment to myself, would it?”

“Logan and me?!” Remus couldn't have exclaimed that any louder. “Please! He wishes this ass was his to take apart in whatever way science says is the best. Kinda sounds like a fun time, but I'm bugging Roman. Got a costuming gig for his next play and found another three-month contract destroying people’s gardens too. Wonder if I'll get told to leave poisons for people again.” Remus was cackling, hurrying away as though he was a whirlwind running out of wind. Whatever commitments had now manifested did not disguise the avoidance motivating them.

Before he could get out the door, Janus spoke up again, “Do remember the movie night we've been planning for Saturday. As much as I'll enjoy the peace while you're working, I would loathe to miss your commentary of the movies.”

He half-expected to be called out that such plans didn't exist, but Remus was already wanting to leave and Logan surely couldn't be taking so long to make their drinks. If Janus couldn't get answers now, he would definitely make sure to manage it on Saturday.

“Course I will, but now I've got to let Virgie scream at me for a bit! I'll tell him you said hi!” With that, Remus had bounced out the door, letting it slam behind him.

Logan still took a few more minutes to emerge from the kitchen carrying their mugs. “Remus does costuming?” he queried, his voice carefully neutral. He’d been visiting their apartment daily hoping to discuss the mention of love with Remus since the day it happened.

“Only when he's trying to spend more time with Roman. Last time he did this was when they started trying to get along after all those teenage arguments.” Janus sighed, unfortunately certain the cause wasn't so simple this time. The doubt was strong enough he had to shrug his hat into falling so it wasn't obvious as he spat out the oak leaves forming. His room-mate and best friend avoiding him was a sorrowful thing to realize.

“And apparently now when he doesn’t want to be here. I only go to the theatre to watch performances and remain front of house networking generally. _You_ avoid the theatre and its professional make-believe unless Roman forces everyone to go, and even then leave soon after a performance ends, also staying front of house.” Janus began musing, comparing where in the theatre they’d generally visit. Staying in the entrance, bar and seats was only something he and Logan ever did.

“If Remus is costuming, then he'll be out a lot in the lead-up to performances and then his work is all back-stage, so there's very little chance he'll run into either of us there.” He carried on explaining as he thought, knowing Logan would need to help if they were to get Remus actually talking to them again, and somehow they would manage that.


	2. Roman Tries to Help

“You haven’t argued with Roman lately. What's actually going on?” Virgil's question came as soon as Remus opened the door, disappointing him. He'd worked hard to make the designs as contrasting and ugly as possible in order to get screamed at for nothing. Where was the lecture he wanted?

“Tulips are flowers of heartbreak, Boogeyman. Can I cover the ball gown in them for symbolism's sake? It would look brilliant, all poofy with flowers! We could even ask Roman to include stage directions for the girl to cough, suggesting it's her own petals that make the dress.” Well if you can't avoid the question, answer it with barely connected ideas. Remus thought that should at least distract from anything more being asked.

Virgil's head-shake looked automatic. “That would be some spectacle, especially since she is one of those mythological noble fae, but this is a play where no flowers or leaves betray emotions. Also, I doubt many other people have negative connections to tulips. Do we want to say they're for heartbreak when eighty percent of the audience, if not more, think otherwise?”

“Bro-Ro says the ball is where her heart actually gets broken and whatever the context of the story people will assume the flower accessories mean something. Let's do it and see what assumptions the audience makes!” Remus cheered. The best way to disturb people was to always be vague and make them do the rest, especially with double meanings.

“Fine then. I get to tear everything else to pieces, cause what the hell are you thinking with this garbage?!” Virgil went into scolding finally, ready to argue over all of Remus' designs for the afternoon.

/\/\

It didn't take a genius to realise that Remus was avoiding Logan and any chance of talking about the mention of love he'd made, so he had decided to leave dealing with it for a while. A week of work already had reduced notes from the time Logan focused on understanding what happened that evening. It was beyond his knowledge how to react or feel about it at all, beyond the observation that seeing so little of Remus vastly reduced the value he had in his life.

Even the time getting assistance from Janus had proven fruitless except for an invitation to the movie night that had suddenly been arranged. A week of lunches in more formal cafes with Janus while discussing or scheming to get answers provided very little insight into it. 

Hopefully they would be able to get more answers on Saturday, but for now he had experiments to check on and research papers to edit.

Returning to having lunch in the cafeteria with Patton was a welcome change, and shocking as it brought the revelation that Patton had somehow become one of the people Remus spent a lot of time around. It had been commented on as soon as Logan queried how Patton had been recently and was followed with the explanation he was still listening to.

“I mean Remus really isn't as bad as I had thought. He's a bit disturbing occasionally but definitely seems to be a sweetheart underneath it all,” Patton finished, smiling as he pulled his sandwiches out to start eating.

“He is someone you need to get used to, but I'd never let him anywhere near our labs. Have you heard Roman's stories of their science classes? Thankfully I was in a set above them and never had to endure it in person, but Remus definitely caused a couple of school evacuations.” Logan raised an eyebrow at the description. Sweet and someone who can cause experiments to go that dangerously in a school did not meld together in his mind very well.

That was rather the pattern for his thoughts about Remus. Since they were younger he’d seen the other terrified of what Petal Therapy would do to him, to bouncing in one spot because he’d spotted a snail crossing the path. Small and large things all seemed to bring out heightened emotions in Remus that even Patton and Roman rarely matched and it rather fascinated Logan to witness and help with.

Of course Patton just waved off the remark. “Well that's why he doesn't work with us. And he seems so happy at the moment, always coughing up tulip petals,” he said, not noticing when Logan's expression must have flooded with concern.

He'd known the twins when they all reached the age that leaves and petals would manifest for their emotions, and had witnessed the chaos that came with it. Logan had been the primary reason Remus was never forced to the petal therapy camps when his parents realized that all the leaves he coughed up truly were for positive emotions. He was still trying to get enough support to start a campaign against those camps after all the research he had done on them, actually.

Hearing Patton mention flower petals was anything but the positive report his friend seemed to believe it to be. He had to school his face back into a neutral expression before speaking again. “Far be it from me to disagree, but has Remus actually said what his emotions are to you?” Logan queried carefully, hoping to avoid the emotive displays of worry and concern that Patton was prone to. “Usually it is leaves that present his positive feelings.”

“Well Roman said something like that too, but all Remus really said was asking for me to be handed some lecture and that he's changed to cinnamon toothpaste. That was when he barged in yelling about getting new leaves, and he seemed to connect the toothpaste to it somehow,” Patton explained after a moment's thought before shaking his head. “But that's probably just him throwing in something random about his day, right?”

“I'd expect so. I'll see if I can copy the folder I have relating to the emotional plants for you later,” Logan offered easily, mentally noting the information. “There were some issues when his parents realized how his emotions manifested, which I helped with. By the way, you've been researching the rumours there were about people growing plants from the leaves they've had manifest from emotions. Has there been any evidence to suggest that can happen?” he diverted the conversation, already finding there were too many things to think over from what little Patton had said.

/\/\

Remus was likely to be sat drawing patterns and sewing with Virgil for most of the night when Roman messaged Logan and Janus asking to meet up for a bit. He'd happily allowed his brother the role in costuming when he mentioned it, agreeing that having space from the situation could help, especially with Remus' heart potentially being on the line.

That wasn't going to stop him actually trying to get the most clueless people he knew regarding their own emotions to actually think on the subject.

“Roman, how wonderful to see you again. Your request to come over was as charming as ever. How might Logan and I assist you?” Janus' voice dripped in flattery as he opened the door, already moving aside to let him in.

“So many things, and I'm sure you'll only answer me over a few of them. How have you two been recently? In all the chaos that is the run-up to opening night I haven’t had much time to see either of you.” Roman was cheerful, waving to Logan upon seeing him already sitting in the living room.

Logan just shrugged in response. “Life carries on, as is typical. We've got some fascinating research projects in full sway at the labs, but I'm not sure they'd interest you.”

“We are currently trying to solve the case of the missing room-mate however. Would you happen to know where Remus has run off to recently?” Janus avoided answering the question with one of his own as he always seemed to manage to do. “Or could that be the real reason you're here?”

Roman raised an eyebrow at the words, half tempted to challenge what was being implied given there could be a variety of meanings to the words. “Well so far as he's mentioned from Monday to Thursday, he's been working on a neighbourhood improvement team, and I've asked him to step in and help with some costumes Virgil couldn't get quite right.”

“It must have been quite late in the production for you to be preparing for opening night while Remus has only recently started helping on costumes,” Logan observed, raising an eyebrow.

“Virgil wants to have a strong idea of how all of the actors are portraying their characters before finalizing any outfits, so he tends to finalize designs and make them over the three weeks before the show starts. By contrast, Remus doesn't care how an actor wants to portray anything, just works from the script and momentary inspiration.” 

Roman shrugged off the silent query, making himself comfy on the sofa. “Which reminds me, do either of you know when tulips related to heartbreak? They've had me ordering fake petals by the boatload for one of the dresses, and that's all the reason I've got for it.”

The stunned and hurt expressions over Janus and Logan's faces answered everything without words, but, after a second of silence, Logan was coughing into a tissue. “Patton mentioned them also, but I've never heard Remus say anything about even having tulips form from any emotion,” Logan said in an attempt to side-step the subject that was clearly now coming, already throwing the tissue into the corner bin.

“The last emotion Remus discovered to my knowledge was his peppermint leaves, although I have no clue how he was only seeing them the last time Logan was talking to him. Those leaves have littered this apartment for months, and trust me, I'm nowhere near feeling proud as consistently as peppermint leaves appear, even if I were to mimic his way of dealing with the leaves and petals,” Janus explained, rolling his eyes at how blatantly Roman was cataloguing their reactions. He wondered what would be said if or when Remus learnt one of their plants was the same despite being for different emotions.

Trying to keep some distance from Roman’s gaze was why he then headed to the kitchen. “If you're planning on visiting for some time, might I tempt you with a drink? Rose wine perhaps?”

“Just some water, please. I drove here,” Roman replies, leaning back in his seat.

He knew Logan was watching and thinking through the things they'd said so far. There was a sharp but distant edge to the gaze that only happened when something met a focus Logan had. Roman was more than comfortable to let the nerd dissect everything, especially given he was far more open with his attempts at resolutions compared to Janus. Instead he just listened to the clinking of glasses and took in a new painting added since he'd last visited. It was definitely one of Remus' creations.

“How would you suggest we apologize to Remus, or at least stop him from avoiding us to this extent?” Logan eventually asked.

“Is that what you actually mean to ask?” Roman countered. He'd seen the looks the last time their friend group had all been able to get together, and he wasn't about to give advice only for his brother to get hurt again.

Before Logan could start trying to insist it was, a wine glass of water was being held out as Janus appeared back in the room. “You could just tell us why you're here, Roman. There's no need to dance around the subject and hope we'll bring it up for you,” Janus insisted, clearly having gathered his masks up while getting the drinks.

It seemed unfair to have only Logan being open over his intentions now, but Roman could see neither of them recognized their own emotions yet. “Well I actually did just want to hear from you what has actually happened to upset my brother so much.”

“He said something I didn't know how to react to. Janus came in to complain about the leaves everywhere and then Remus decided to head to yours.” The brief description was more blunt and emotionless than Roman had ever heard anyone describe something before meeting Logan. “I'd rather like to discuss what he said with him directly, rather than via you.”

“I'm just wondering why my room-mate has decided this is only a place to sleep when I thought we got along well together most of the time.” Janus didn't add anything further to the recollection of what happened. Roman was fairly convinced neither man in front of him would discuss their emotions easily and that could be a battle for someone else to face.

Sighing, he finished off his glass of water. “Wonderfully enlightening descriptions, fellas. Absolutely a delight. Perhaps if you're going to try discussing this with Remus, you can reflect on your emotions and how the plants present them. I mean, Logan, do you even know what flowers or leaves appear when you so promptly throw those tissues away?”

With those words, he stood, deciding not to muddy their thoughts with farewells, “Perhaps you can reflect on that for a while. I'll leave you be for the evening now.” 

/\/\

“Hey Logan, do you mind me asking a few things about that folder you sent me yesterday, or would you rather leave it till we're outside of work?” Patton called as he approached their usual table for lunch.

Logan had already finished eating since their breaks had ended up being 15 minutes different in start time that day. He'd actually been tracking his mind for any flavours he could remember connecting to the emotions he'd had to spit out over the years and now welcomed the break, easily waving to the seat across from him.

“You know I welcome all questions to the development of knowledge at any time, Patton. Please ask away.” The invitation wasn't really needed, since it was rare either of them wouldn't join the other if they were both having lunch in the break room. It was still more professional to use manners though

Patton had already sat down and started unpacking his own lunch before replying. “Well really I'm just very curious because it seems like something you were extremely passionate about, but I haven’t heard you mention anything about the atrocities of those petal therapies before now. Does that mean somebody has managed to get them banned already?”

His lips pursed at the thought. “I wish that were the case, but there needs to be solid scientific evidence of not only the harm that they do, but also that the procedures are redundant. While here we study various subjects around the formation and properties of the leaves and petals that form, I've been able to make progress on the latter. You'll notice most of the studies I lead are long-term ones over how changes occur to the plants people form over different emotions which actually has proven beyond doubt that negative or traumatic events, such as those therapies are, only produce an increase in leaves portraying a person's emotions, positive or negative.”

“So what's being studied about the harm they do?” The question was predictable, but one Logan despaired to hear.

For a moment, he just shrugged before meeting Patton's eyes. “Unfortunately that is a subject entirely based in psychology and I'm not knowledgeable enough to conduct those studies on my own. As of yet I've been unable to meet a psychologist willing to do studies that would likely be widely contested by society.”

Something in Logan wanted to change the subject of conversation quickly, knowing if his remorse over being unable to make progress against petal therapies grew, he would be coughing up something. He was more resolute in that moment to properly discuss Patton's queries, however in depth the clock ticking to the end of his break would allow. Besides, that would at least confirm for certain one of his plants.

Patton, however, was pulling out his phone and scribbling a number from it onto a napkin he hadn't needed. “I know a psychologist from college who would be able to help you with that! Doctor Emile Picani would definitely be willing to at the very least help you find someone if they can't do the study themselves. Give them a call and ask,” he insisted, pushing the napkin into Logan's hand.

The chance of coughing up flowers of remorse was suddenly swapped by a flood of relief that Logan had to rapidly pull out a clean tissue to react to, glancing at the new number. “Thank you, Patton. I will have to do that later though, since my lunch break is now over.” He hurried the words out, already standing to leave and trying to hide the fact he was still holding both the napkin and the tissue of either petals or leaves.

Only once he was back in his lab did Logan open the tissue, smiling as he recognised peppermint leaves. Apparently there was something he shared with Remus and Janus, even if the leaves presented three completely different feelings.

Now he just needed to talk to someone he could trust with his emotions and who wouldn’t make a big deal about them. For the first time in his life, he wanted to learn about his emotions. 


	3. Introspection and Apologies

Logan struggled to remain still and not shift from foot to foot as Thomas blinked through his doorway. “Okay, when you said you needed some help I was actually expecting to be invited to the labs to assist one of your studies. Guessing this is a bit more personal than that now.”

After leaving Patton at lunchtime, Logan had decided that asking his brother for some help would at least guarantee he could trust there'd be no judgement. That had been when he'd called Thomas, only getting an agreement to help before hanging up and completely forgetting to clarify when he'd come over.

If the situation had been different, less personal even, Logan probably would have spoken with Remus about it. Over the years they’d both sought each other out about various plants or animals they wanted to learn about and what were the emotional plants other than that. Only Janus could match Remus for being patient or involved in the subject Logan loved to talk about really. Even Patton often wanted to leave the science at the lab.

“I have no clue what leaves or flowers any of my emotions make and could really use some advice in all those...feelings-type things,” he stated, waving towards the door in the hopes he could stop having the discussion while stood on the street.

Thomas was immediately backing away, holding the door open and looking more concerned than before. “Okay let's actually start with why you need to figure emotions out after years of declaring that science and discovery are the true loves of your life. Has something happened with your friends? I thought they all accepted you are incredibly private with your emotions.” As he spoke, he ushered Logan through to his kitchen, already making coffee and getting some jam sandwiches made.

“Remus is avoiding me—avoiding Janus too, actually, and Roman said we should look at our own emotions before trying to discuss why with Remus directly,” Logan summarized, reaching to take the mug he usually used only for Thomas to push it away.

With a raised eyebrow and pursed lips, Thomas met his eyes. Logan knew that if he were more like either of the twins, this would be the start of a play-fight, but currently he just felt like a pinned butterfly while his brother silently demanded more details.

He shuffled back a few steps.“Remus said some leaves he spat out meant love when it was just me and him, but Janus interrupted before I could do more than try to work out if that meant he loves me. Now he's barely even going back to their flat, and I haven't seen him or heard from him since. I don't want to lose my friend, Thomas! If I need to examine my emotions to get Remus back, then I need help to do that!” Logan had tried to keep his voice steady, but as he finally let himself describe properly the scene that had occurred, his hurt and confusion over what was happening raised his voice louder.

A sandwich being put in his hand and a mildly teasing smile at least said Thomas would help now. With a sigh, Thomas began speaking. “So what we actually need to work through is what emotions you are currently feeling, as well as if you have any specific feelings towards any of your friends. A love confession is a very vulnerable thing to do, and from what you've said of Remus before, he's not going to avoid it forever.”

“How do we do that?” Logan muttered, finally being allowed to take his coffee.

Leading them back into his living room, Thomas glanced over his shelves for a moment. “The most reasonable way I can think of is bullet points or spider maps. If you can't identify an emotion, then you can provide an accurate description and I'll do my best to identify it.” He decided, pulling out an A3 paper pad from behind the couch.

“And you're sure we need to do this for all my friends, as well as the current situation?” Logan frowned at the amount of time and paper that sounded like it would take up.

“Nope, the thing with emotions is that you're likely to realize who we'll need to focus on as we work through the emotions of the current situation. Shall we begin?” Thomas grinned, holding out some thick pens and putting a heading on the first of 'Remus' Avoidance'. The page looked similar to one Janus had made when they'd been trying to figure out what was happening logically, but somehow Logan could believe this might help a little more.

/\/\

“Menial Labour! My brother has made a servant of me, never to grace the heights of society again!” Roman was bemoaning, languishing back against the foot of the sofa as Remus and Virgil snickered at him.

They'd insisted his help was needed sewing petals onto the dress given the size of the skirt and fast approaching performances. Even with the amended design of having triangles of petals around the skirt there was too much for the pair to finish in time, so Roman had grabbed a needle and thread to join in.

Virgil snorted when he tried to drape a hand over his head only to realize the action brought his needle a little too close to his eyes. “Sure, Cinderella. Where's your fireplace to sleep in?”

“Praise that I have not yet been reduced to such poverty. Although the last time I saw Remus’ apartment, there was no fireplace in it. Do you and Janus have fireplaces in your bedrooms?” Roman grinned, letting the joke move into random chatter as he grabbed another handful of petals to sew.

Remus cackled again. “Closest we've got is Jay's heat lamp, and I'm pretty sure he'd fight you if ever you tried to sleep under it. When'd you last visit anyway? I always go to yours or the theatre.”

“A day or so ago. I wanted to discuss a few things with Janus and Logan, and Logan was already at your flat when I messaged, so I joined them there.” Roman tried to appear offhand with the comment, already anticipating the scowl that was directed at him.

“I told you not to interfere with this, Cinders,” Remus ground out, visibly grinding his teeth together.

Roman nodded jovially. “Yep, and Janus told me you've been spitting peppermint leaves out for months before you noticed them. It's interesting how many things I'm learning just trying to understand why my brother no longer wants to be in the flat he boasted about for ages.”

“Given that factoid just makes _Jasmine_ sound like even more of an oblivious shouty fool, and now I wanna make him choke on peppermint... _somehow_. Unexpected leaves in pastries, unfiltered loose leaf tea: There's gotta be a way to achieve it, _and_ he would get the fear without any chance of death.” Remus stabbed through the petals he was focusing on, scowl turning into a deadly dark expression. For the petals to have been around the apartment for a while that meant his lust for Janus wasn’t just that and given how observant his room-mate claimed to be Remus would have thought something else would be brought up.

Instead of mentioning it though he just carried on trying to make the petals attached by stabbing them harder. “I mean, _perhaps_ you were right about using fakes. They'd tear easily, but right now I wish I could be destroying something.”

Virgil stole the needle from Remus' hands. “No destroying allowed, but you'd have more success actually attaching the petals if this needle was threaded,” he ordered, promptly threading the needle to hand it back. “Besides, Janus has always been oblivious. He focuses so much on manipulating people by flirting so they not only do what he wants but like him for it, that genuine feelings go completely over his head.”

“Also, I'm not sure you've been rejected, Re. It's more likely neither of them understand love enough to actually know whether they're feeling it or not, especially over romantic love.” Roman sighed, leaning closer to the fabric and the petals to make his stitches perfect and completely missing the torn gaze glancing over at him.

“Whatever. Oblivious freezing is still just as painful to face as all that anger Janus has over my leaves. I tell everyone from the start, my emotions are an open book. Ask me your questions and I'll tell you no lies,” Remus huffed, starting another section that needed petals adding. At least sewing or sculpting with petals was simple since the actual use everyone claimed they had in demonstrating emotions never seemed to work, even when he tried to talk about what they meant.

Virgil yelped as that move meant the section he had was suddenly tugged away for a moment, dropping and losing the needle. “When on earth did you start hiding from something like this though? I swear the Remus I met would scream about it until he got some response he could at least make innuendos out of to make everyone just as uncomfortable as he is with the feelings.”

“I'm working on it...and a functional heart model that can be taken apart to describe precisely how bad they've made me feel. Probably going to do that demonstration on the street outside our flat the day after this play closes. Announce it for everyone to hear. Post a video online or something.” Remus nodded. “But getting away and letting them play detective gives me time to actually get that model made.”

“Or for them to hopefully get their heads out of their asses,” Virgil suggested, bringing Roman's idea that there could be a relationship there back.

Remus just shook his head, focusing on sewing and starting to sing a parody of Taylor Swift loud enough that they couldn't carry on the conversation.

/\/\

When Roman had told them to reflect on their own emotions and motivations, Janus had scoffed. It seemed like an absurd idea that wouldn't really help at all. He knew himself better than anyone else even could, so of course he knew what all his flowers meant. Perhaps he wasn't as obsessive over the artefacts as Remus was, but he knew them well enough to write a list of all the known emotions that produced plants and what plants each produced.

The only thing actually motivating Janus to even muse over the subject was that Logan had clearly taken the suggestion to heart. Given how regularly he'd come over since Remus' declaration, it was easy to assume that sooner or later Logan would be returning, wishing to discuss whatever conclusions over his own emotions he came to.

So Janus had brought out his journal and decided to simply write through a guide over which plants related to various emotions, starting of course with Peppermint. Pride was clearly defined and had never been mistaken for anything else in all of Janus' life. It was simple to write about, even including the notes over how the same plant formed love for Remus and a few speculations over what on earth could have been occurring for there to be so much around their flat. Those thoughts left him feeling positively uncomfortable, either Logan had visited more regularly prior to this situation than known or Remus just associated love with being at home somehow.

He pushed the thoughts away, deciding to focus on a related emotion of lust as the next one. That was where Janus really started questioning everything he had been so certain of before. There were two plants coming to mind as being for lust and each had occurred and been labelled such intermittently with the other. One of them had to be for a different emotion except Janus had no understanding over how he'd even make such a mistake.

Tracking the memories around those flowers at least clarified which emotions the two plants would represent, although it did little to confirm which way round they settled. Understanding that was when he really began to accept Roman's advice as valid.

He had a lot of emotions to consider closely now, and only a few that he was certain would remain as blank as the plants currently were.

/\/\

“So what time is our movie night, again? We're doing a full costume rehearsal this afternoon so if you want me back early say now.” Remus called through the house. He'd been hurrying between rooms a lot through the morning and Janus could tell that was still happening by how his volume changed.

He didn't reply though, to focused on his pages about his emotions and corresponding plants to make a decision over a lie he'd planned to make true.

Remus shoving his head on top of the book demanded a response though. “Home early or can I do my job sewing people into inescapable costumes right?”

“Can we just cancel the film night? You seem so busy with this show and far be it from me to interfere in Roman's job.” Janus requested, shoving him to the floor as an afterthought.

“Always got time for you, Scales. Just say the word and anyone who harms you will be bleeding out on the streets.” Remus didn't react to being on the floor past wrapping himself around Janus's legs, clinging tightly. “Just say the word and I'll be back here, but sure thing. Just tell Lo you're cancelling it.”

It was mildly surprising that Remus knew anyone else was invited let alone who, but Janus decided to focus on putting his notebook away and finding something else to focus on for a while. “Of course I will.”

The whirlwind that was Remus preparing for a costume rehearsal soon disappeared with about 10 bags more than he could reasonably need.

Deciding not to delay any longer Janus already had his phone out, calling Logan as soon as the door was shut for the third time.

“Hello Janus, How can I be of assistance?” Ever the professional greeting made Janus smile slightly.

“I've decided to cancel the movie night that we were going to have this evening.” He stated, only the necessary information and nothing more in the hopes it would prevent further questioning. “We're going to reschedule it for next weekend instead.”

There was a pause where he could hear shuffling papers on the other end of the call before Logan cleared his throat. “Of course. I was hoping you would as I find I'm not as composed as I should be if we're talking with Remus over what happened.”

“All that happened was I interrupted a private moment between you which I must apologise to you as well as to Remus for doing.” Janus felt like the words were stabbing him over how simplistic it made the last weeks seem, but kept his voice as smooth and steady as it would remain presenting to a lecture hall.

“We both have things to apologise to Remus over but I can't imagine you intended to interrupt anything, so any misstep there was towards myself is more than forgiven. Perhaps we could make our apologies to Remus during the interval of Roman's play so that the movie night can be as relaxing as Patton insists that they are?” Logan sounded tentative, uncertain both of the plan, but really Janus chuckled humourlessly at it.

“That's probably a good idea. If you'd prefer to just spend some time with Remus, please do let me know.” From all his own reflection, Janus knew just how uncomfortable he'd feel intruding on what could only be a return declaration of love and quite wanted to avoid it. He couldn't fathom why Logan was suggesting they apologise simultaneously.

“I will if necessary but I doubt it will be. Shall I book tickets for us then and message you the performance I manage to get?” Logan asked, at least sounding like the call would be over soon.

Janus sighed. He wasn't one to deny a trip to the theatre but he'd prefer not to have an emotional conversation backstage where very little would really be private. “Of course. I shall see you then.”

“See you at the theatre, Janus.” Logan signed off, leaving even more thoughts and concerns spiralling through his mind. Since he'd deciphered the plants for lust and love there seemed to be a lot more resting on their talk with Remus with no suggestion that it would be good for him.

He would at least be content in seeing his best friend and their most frequent visitor happy.

/\/\

Despite what Janus believed about the pair of them always remaining front of house when in the theatre, no friend of Roman's could really avoid visiting backstage at least occasionally. Both he and Logan were known to most of the people that worked there. It made it easier for them to slip through the door and get quick directions to where Remus was sorting out the costumes that had been finished with for the performance and getting out the ones he'd need ready for the quick changes.

Finding the area was easy, almost signposted by the tulip petal ball gown.“You must have been sewing tulip petals the entirety of the last week.” Janus observed, stroking a hand down it as Remus jumped at his voice.

“I must admit the outfit was fascinating to watch, especially considering the time which the actress had to put it on. One would think that an outfit like that would be more complex for barely a minute would allow her to wear it.” Logan agreed, although he was actually watching Remus when he turned to face them.

They hadn't intended to make any small talk, well aware that delaying the intervals arrangements could cause issues for the show. It was still easier to begin every conversation with an observation related to the moment before raising more difficult subjects.

Remus blinked one eye at a time, turning between them, before bustling over. “Plenty of sewing and it's still needed so hands off if you will, or I'll direct Valerie to you if there's an issue with it. Seeing someone else tear you down would be hilarious.”

“Well if we delay apologising for too long I'm sure Roman will oblige you in doing so.” Janus sighed, easily moving away. “That said however, I do want to say sorry. I didn't pause before interrupting you a few weeks ago and as much as finding your leaves around the place can annoy me I'd rather deal with them and have you around than the silence of the flat recently.”

The words had Remus throwing the costume he'd just pulled out of its protective case onto a chair, staring unblinking at Janus. “Dude, we interrupt each other constantly. Unless you want me to carry around a sign to say 'Emotional Moment Happening' I've no clue how we'd avoid that. Just count it as getting even for the last time I walked in on you showering to ramble about an idea I needed help with.” He decided after a moment, grabbing another outfit to put away.

Logan cleared his throat then. “I still need to apologise to you as well, Remus.” He said, moving forwards to try and be in Remus's line of sight. That wouldn't work when he was clearly focused on rooting through the costume rack and not turning around again.

“Your words the last time we spoke caught me completely unexpectedly and it appears that my lack of reaction has hurt you considerably. I'm not well informed about emotions despite my realm of study being connected to them. I still consider myself a beginner in the stronger feelings, so I apologise for any hurt that I caused, and hope that you don't mind waiting a little longer for a true response to the sentiments you imparted to me. I do intend to explain more of my own emotions but currently I am learning to understand them myself. Once I have a better grasp of them perhaps we can discuss a little more.” As he spoke Logan shifted from side to side, uncomfortable with how personal it felt despite the planning he’d done for his apology.

Sometime while he spoke, Remus had turned, not enough for them to meet eyes but to watch Logan from the corner of his. There were clearly some mental guards up but he was listening.

Remus let the words settle after Logan finished, before beginning to ramble, “Oh sure, no bad blood running between us at all, Logie-kins! Actually what is bad blood? Is that like a real thing? Scientists should call blood carrying diseases bad blood. Naughty blood goes in the Petri-dish for time out.”

“I'm glad to hear that Remus and hope that once your show is over we can enjoy the movie night together.” Logan nodded, deciding that there wasn't time for any scientific commentary to be added about blood.

“Remus, these are not the outfits you need for the quick changes. Hurry up and get the right ones out.” Roman had come around checking backstage was ready as the 5 minute call came over the intercom. “And you 2, back to your seats. Hurry, hurry, time and tide wait for no man and this stage is about to have high tide.”

Janus and Logan let themselves be shepherded back to front of house, feeling calmer now their apologies were done. Anything more they wanted to say could wait a while now, and hopefully wouldn't require tracking down Remus to someone else's usual hang outs.


	4. The Model Heart

Logan was nervous as he headed to Janus and Remus's apartment. He'd spent most of his evenings before and after the one trip to see Roman's show with Thomas working through his emotions surrounding both inhabitants as well as towards the situation. Now it was only reasonable that he tried to discuss them directly with the pair but he was unclear how that would be received, especially by Janus.

By the time he was knocking on the door he'd decided that it could wait until they were eating, probably after the first film had ended. That way he'd be more relaxed and comfortable about saying anything, as well as having at least had some fun for the evening should he get rejected now.

“Hey Lo, come on in. Remus had to run back to the theatre, something about leaving a project there last night but he'll be back soon.” Janus greeted as he opened the door, the greeting now familiar.

“That's fine. Do you need me to help set up at all?” Logan nodded, removing his shoes and coat so they could be left near the door.

There were more blankets and cushions in the living room than there were usually and a few bowls of snacks had already been placed on the coffee table, primarily popcorn. Logan had a few healthier snack foods in his bag that he started getting out to add to the collection. Hopefully they would get eaten too since everyone needed more vitamins and fibre even on junk food nights.

Janus just shook his head. “Everything's ready for when we're all here. Just make yourself comfy and we'll decide what to watch first. House rules say whomever is here first gets first choice of film.”

“So can we start with 'Hitch-hikers Guide to the Galaxy'?” Logan really hoped they'd like science fiction or at least watch it with him.

They fell into discussing the various films they could watch after realising that Hitch-hikers wasn't available from their streaming service. It was enough to have them both more relaxed up until the door seemingly threw itself open, soon followed by a green, yellow and pink blur heading towards Janus's head.

“I've got things to say and there's no film happening until I've said them, so you morons better have brought your listening ears with you.” Remus screeched, following the blur as Logan managed to catch it just before impact. His lunge and angry point was entirely missed by Janus blinking at the sculpture an inch from his nose although Logan was definitely turning from the shape he couldn't recognise from the angle of his catch and the man in the doorway.

It took a moment before either of the pair on the sofa moved again, Janus bringing his hands up to the model, finding the attached stand to put it the right way up on his lap. “And saying your piece involves throwing a scientific model of a heart at my face? I'm not sure how well talking to somebody unconscious works unless you want silent agreement or perhaps privacy with Logan.” He commented, placing the model down and beginning to stand.

“You're involved too, Loki, so sit that butt right back down. Leaves and Petals would need to be a lot faster than I threw that to knock you out.” Remus didn't give him the choice to do much else, already shoving his shoulder down while picking up his heart model. “Actually, I'm starting with a question, Jormungandr, just how long have I been leaving mint leaves about? Roman said you've mentioned it being long before last month.”

Janus glanced over to Logan for a moment, meeting eyes and trying to figure out if the other had any clue what was happening and shaking their heads at each other. With that conclusion made Janus turned his mind back over months of attempting to keep the flat halfway clean. “Probably the first time I recognised mint as an noticeable part of what you left behind was February or March so 7 or 8 months ago I suppose. Is that important to this evening's lecture?”

“I'm sure Professor X would prefer I call this a demonstration. Well, Halo, are you ready for my talk to begin?” Remus had pulled the coffee table a little further back to place his model on top of and was now waiting for Logan to actually join in the conversation since he'd yet to speak up since catching it.

“By all means, please begin. But can I just ask, is this made from your emotions? I recognise the peppermint and tulips as plants I've heard mentioned around you recently.” Logan was leaning forwards, trying to identify what leaves or flowers were in the model. He couldn't be certain if the other leaves were dandelion or one of the smaller types of lettuce without a closer look and was equally torn between saying the yellow petals were from a sunflower or a chrysanthemum.

Remus nodded his head wildly enough he stood a chance of getting whiplash. “Yup, let's get down to the root of my emotions shall we? Starting with the last two weeks that have been pure loneliness despite how constantly I've been with Virgil, Roman or Patton. Honestly I'm beginning to wish we could cough up seeds with how many sunflower petals I've been seeing. At least then I could have a snack each time I just wanted to come and yell until the loneliness is gone.

“Did you enjoy the break from having to clean up my leaves while I was gone, Eragon? Cause Roman is claiming that you must be a saint to put up with it. Congrats on getting canonised.” Remus was poking at the yellow patches as he spoke. “That was why I kept away. If it's so distasteful to you to deal with my good days, it only seemed reasonable while going through crap to avoid you.”

Janus frowned at that explanation. It made sense but also didn't seem similar to the past reactions that complaint had received at all. “I've seen you go through plenty of bad days and the most my complaints have ever caused is a model to be made, such as the one you're poking.” He remarked.

Somehow when Remus threw his hands up in a dramatic gesture he'd managed to get a ruler from somewhere which he then started using to point out the dandelion leaves. “Of course not, because of the emotion that's long been an old friend of mine. I've known I'm in lust with you for years, Logan for months as well. Dandelion leaves are easily one of my favourite things to taste. Hot guys that would just as soon tear someone to pieces as hear them state lies as facts, what more could a gremlin want to lust after? In fact it's essentially the veins of me at this point, carrying through all the other emotions that make me up.”

Indeed the model had the veins beginning made out of dandelion leaves, and they seemed to hold the structure of the heart with the petals woven between the pieces.

Logan leant forwards, opening his mouth to say something but was silenced with a finger to his lips before any noise could be made. Remus clearly wanted his demonstration to only include audience participation when he invited it. “Not so fast, Professor Peacock, I've got two more emotions to go into lots of explanations about before you get to say your piece. Yours was said backstage at the show.”

Remus turned his back to them for a moment, poking at the tulip petals curiously despite being the one to make the model. He started walking around it as he spoke again, still not looking back at either of them,“I thought going in order of their appearance would be the best way but screw it, you were pretty vulnerable before Ro-ro chased you out so let's cover the tulips and that fantastic dress. Did you get Virgil's uses for it? He thought just having a dress like that for the ball was too much work for too little so it got a second half scene. First appearance getting her heart broken and the second picking it up off the floor to love herself regardless. Lovely bit of symbolism given how much Python wants me to be picking myself up off the floor constantly, right?

“I just wanted to put my heartbreak into something pretty and before either of you suggest I'm over dramatic, silence and freezing like that felt like this” Remus stabbed his ruler straight through the middle of the heart, glaring over the top of it at them. “There's a difference between letting people know the things which show my emotions and actually telling you what I'm really feeling and between the pair of you that evening?” Remus dragged the ruler down, shredding away all the petals and leaves holding the model together showing a lot more tulip petals filling most of the heart.

“Roman was confused when I got to his. I'd yelled about getting new leaves but was easily accepting Patton's need to comfort. Then he saw the tulips and sure, another new plant for both of us but something so clearly negative for me didn't need an explanation immediately.”

Remus took a deep breath then, meeting Logan's eyes and then Janus's taking in the apologetic and almost horrified expressions his description and actions had caused. “I know. Neither of you intended harm. We're all just solo ships trying to figure out the oceans without capsizing or causing damage to others and I've already forgiven you for all of that. It's a bit of heartbreak and I can't say I was acting much like myself in running away rather than facing it head on. That's what this is all for, facing the people closest to me, and my own emotions getting laid out on the table so the petals can fall where they will.”

“Tulips are for heartbreak?” Logan's voice was hesitant, hushed as though he didn't want to interrupt but couldn't keep the words in.

Remus just nodded, “Such a pretty colour for something so harsh. I always thought it would be something garishly bright. Fluorescent or something.” He agreed, grabbing a handful that had spilt from the model to examine it before dumping them in the bin.

A glance at Janus showed his gaze turning a little calculating and a little uncomfortable. “Well, I've been told what the last plant means so should I be giving you privacy now?” He offered, shifting as though about to get up again.

“No, because you confirmed what I should have registered sooner. The leaves that started these horrible weeks have been around for a while now, honestly longer than I've loved Logan to any degree, let alone strong enough to form them.” Despite the main colour around the model now being the pink from tulip petals Remus could reach into it and pull out peppermint leaves easily.

He remained silent, holding them out towards the pair. Logan took one, pausing to inspect it. “It means relief for me. It's one of the only emotions I've been able to work out. Pat gave me a contact that might help get studies to discredit if not at some point outlaw petal therapies.”

“When I get peppermint it's because I'm really proud of something.” Janus muttered, silently trying to figure out the chances of them all sharing the same plant for various emotions.

Remus smiled a little at their comments. “And we all know that for me it means love. I love you, both of you actually. It would be bad for me to expect an immediate response but I really do need at least something, even if it's just a ‘you'll think about it and let me know’ how you feel about me this time next week. I'm expecting what, charts and diagrams from Logan and Janus finding a jazz song that somehow perfectly expresses it all to try and outdo my demonstration.”

The remark got a laugh from Janus, although Logan was now reaching towards his bag. “I will say we should probably order some food now, before we get into another talk like that one.” Janus suggested, glancing at the clock and mildly surprised that if they had ever started a movie the first one would have finished already.

“On it. I'm getting Chinese and ordering pizza and desserts too. It's a race of deliveries.” Remus called, grabbing his phone and hurrying out of the room for a moment. It was clear he'd gone through a lot of emotions in the demonstration and just needed a break before facing any reaction they might give.

At first Logan thought Janus was just clearing up the petals but after a few moments it became clear that while the majority of tulip petals were being brushed into a bin he'd pulled over Janus was doing everything he could to repair the damage the ruler had done to the model. “I've got a few peppermint leaves in my bag if you need extra to repair it.” He commented, the spider maps he'd brought still rolled up and balanced against the end of the sofa.

“I think an extra pair of hands and some spare leaves might actually be enough to get this damage mostly repaired.” Janus nodded, shifting enough for them to work together on repairing it.

/\/\

Remus wasn't sure quite how to react when he came back. Part of him wanted to throw his arms around the pair, cooing at their cute attempts to fix his heart, the other part wanted someone else to have their emotions on display for a bit instead.

He leapt over the table, Janus and Logan to throw himself on the sofa. “Food's on it's way, sounds like we're starting with dessert from their delivery times. Now where are you getting all the peppermint to do those repairs? Did someone run to the shops while I was upstairs?”

Logan cleared his throat, standing as it seemed they wouldn't get much further with repairs. “No, I had them in my bag. Roman mentioned something about knowing my own emotions which has me rather wanting to keep the leaves or petals from them for the time being. It seemed fitting that they should go to try and repair at least the metaphor for the hurt I caused.” He explained, going to pick the maps up again. “Although after getting my brother’s help to understand at least some of my emotions I was hoping to talk about a few of them with you tonight as well.”

“Talk, show, or did you write us letters you hoped could be left until the end of the evening?” Remus suggested, waving a hand before one of the rolled up pieces was placed into it.

Janus had been handed the other one and merely blinked at Logan, silently questioning what it was.

“I'm not likely to ever be good at emotional words so, well, it's probably better for you to look at those and then perhaps let me know what you'd understand my emotions to be. Just in case Thomas guided me incorrectly while we tried to identify them.” Logan muttered, waiting until they each unrolled the spider maps and started reading through them.

He had started the evening wanting to talk about them, about the likelihood he loved them, if not as deeply as Remus did, but in that moment words had failed him. As he waited, he ran through a couple of breathing exercises, calming down as best he could despite the nerves running through him.

Remus interrupted that by tackling him with a hug. “Aww, Glasses Gay loves me and I love him. This makes us boyfriends now, right? Say I'm right, please, pretty please?”

Logan focused more on twisting in the hold to try and face both Remus and Janus at once instead of replying. Both pages had explained similar emotions, so even with one confirmation he still wanted to see the second response.

Janus responded in his stead, still reading through the spider map on his lap but watching his friends closely too, “I suppose that is the logical progression of your relationship given this evening.” He shrugged his shoulders enough his hat started to fall before being stolen by Remus who had suddenly jumped close.

“Nope, no hiding feelings this evening hat boy. Show me your flowers.” By the time Janus had registered the hat being stolen and Remus's hands being placed in front of him he couldn't hold the plants back, oak leaves and crocuses falling onto his lap as he avoided coughing onto Remus.

He had wanted to say so much to Logan, barely understanding how the map he'd been given was actually about him, but Remus was there first, always beating him to the words and the chance of a relationship. It was obvious that with how the evening was going that in moments Janus would need to explain what the plants meant, and how he was feeling.

“If it helps those two maps depict what are extremely similar emotions so if Remus and Thomas both believe it to be romantic, perhaps Janus could also be our boyfriend?” Logan suggested, somehow understanding the hesitancy he was having.

Remus remained still at the suggestion, watching for the next reaction for a moment longer.

“It would not be right of me to intrude, despite how sorrowful it makes me to say this. It relieves me to know that you two are finally getting together. I've seen the glances and moments you've shared plenty of times. You will be happy together but I cannot imagine there's an easy way for me to be included in your relationship.” Janus was careful with his words, trying not to cause more pain but also well aware of what he could now be giving up. “My emotions are not so clear as yours are.”

The words of rejection had rather the opposite effect, causing both men to stand so they could sit either side of him. “Do I need to take that apart all over again? You love me enough to want to put my heart back together even when it's just a model I've torn apart.” Remus offered, already reaching for anything in arms reach that he could use.

“No. Your models should be preserved. You always put so much detail into them, even if that's just to protest being told to clear your plants up.” Janus grabbed his hand to stop any action, only to freeze when Logan pulled him backwards into a hug.

“And you cared for me, even while I was too confused over my own emotions to understand anything beyond not seeing Remus being a very negative change to my life.” Logan added.

Janus was still shaking his head as Remus sandwiched him into the embrace. “Face it Sunshine, You're included in this relationship toothpaste: Triple action to create, improve or convince our lives to be better. Only one stopping you is you.”

“Shouldn't we actually talk about being poly first? I have no clue how this is gonna work?” Janus gave in, accepting what they were saying but still a little hesitant.

Remus just cackled, “Nah, all I wanna know is if Logie is moving in tomorrow or waiting for a bit?”

“Definitely waiting a while and we have all evening to talk and eat so why don't we go through all of our concerns and desires?” Logan suggested, standing up as there was a knock on the door. “In fact I think that must be at least some of the food now.”

Remus remained attached to Janus while Logan answered the door, whispering, “I can kiss you now, right? Are you okay with that?”

Their lips meeting was his reply. Janus finally relaxed into what was being decided, melting into the kiss as Remus buried a hand in his hair. 

Once the door shut, Logan's lips weren't long to join, kissing their cheeks until they separated and his lips could meet another's. Even watching Remus kiss Logan felt comforting rather than the isolation that Janus had been expecting would come with the scene since everything began weeks ago.


End file.
